Her Sanctuary, Her Space

This is one book that’s incredibly eerie in a sense that every chapter speaks about my insecurities, quandaries and fears; presenting the things I lack the most in my spiritual life. It even felt like the book was pen out of my past and dark experiences that eventually paved way to my wrong attitude and perceptions in life.

TRUST. Trust is something I do not have. Well, maybe at some point it existed but for some reason it evaporated to thin air. There was this time when I feel so close to Him; seeking His help and guidance even in times when I do not need any. During that time, I just needed to be close to Him because it felt good and there is this trust that He would never forsake me and He would never give me something that I could not handle. But I got lost and that trust was covered with heaps of misplaced beliefs and despondency.

WORRIES. In the absence of trust, worries are the things that had been pouring out of my heart for too long now. I am their minion because I have allowed them to take me to places that would give me temporary scars and permanent fear to go on with life. Worries became my oxygen; my life support. And even for the fact that it hasn’t done me any good, I continued to be their follower and be forever blinded with their dust of anguish.

MOTIVATION. Even with scarred emotions, there are also times that good and healthy ideas come to mind. The only problem is, I lack the drive to pursue those ideas and return to the attitude of being contented living in the shadows of fear and sorrow. Ideas may come in millions but because of this very weak motivation, my life remained in the wastebasket. I have loved and worshiped Him before. I wondered why I could not motivate myself to love and worship Him again.

SELFISHNESS. When problem arises, the first thing I’d do is point my finger to somebody whom I assumed caused me such pain and torment. Then a good friend (known to be a very brutally-frank brute) asked me if I, myself, have not contributed to such pain? Was it not self-inflicted after all? I was flabbergasted and it shut my mouth. I do not want to admit it but he made me realize that I was selfish all along; that all the anguish inside my heart was really self-inflicted. The realization shut my mouth further.

I haven't finished the book yet even though it only has 211 pages. I'm reading it every night which in a way helps me with my reflection. Eerie, but this book helps me realize the things I have been missing all along. What's more, I love the person who gave me this book. Love him like a kid brother I never had. Thanks, bro.